Shakespeare was Wrong
by shywr1ter
Summary: S2. Alec. Just Alec, from someone who usually dabbles on the other side. Some thoughts about what makes Alec tick. Safe for all ships!


_**DISCLAIMER:** DA still isn't mine, not even venturing into S2 land. If it does, you'll be the first to know._

**_A/N:_**_My first attempt at unraveling Alec – just a few thoughts at what might make him tick. For those of you who know my leanings, never fear: this fic should be safe for everyone..._

_And any and all reactions appreciated... this is a whole new season and character for me! _

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**Shakespeare Was Wrong**

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_What's in a name? That which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet..._

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

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It all began with his casual baptism by 452, in her first moment of understanding that he might not be the enemy, and with that, her unwitting invitation that he join them, really _join_ them in the outside world: "I'm gonna call you Alec..."

He'd been given names before; sent out on solo missions, in preparation for deep cover, he'd been given phony names with sham identities, because on the outside, that's what people used.

..but _he_ had never had a name. Not X5-494...

When she said it, he'd used his well-honed powers of duplicity and deceit to pretend it didn't matter, that it meant nothing: "I can live with that," he'd smirked, even though she'd seen through him to his willingness to be a co-conspirator in her escape. But it _had_ mattered: it had rippled though him in a surge of ... of what, temptation? Envy? It was what _her_ group had done, even before they'd gone rogue; they'd given each other names and considered themselves sisters and brothers...

Who had come up with that, anyhow? Their purported leader, X5-599? _Zack_? Or had it been several of them, over time? It was eventually tagged, that tendency toward socialization in the X5 series, and sorted out of the breed. X6 came too soon after to prevent their carrying the same flaw, but X7 and those coming after didn't have that same failing – steps had been taken.

But the trait had still had flowed, full force, in 494 and his line, in all the X5. And because of that, they all were carefully screened, manipulated – indoctrinated – not to repeat the traitors' mistake. First, Lydecker, and then Renfro, they all claimed success in this: the traitors' escape would not be repeated.

...but it _was_ there, in 494, that urge to experience more, the craving to see more of the world. And when 452 – _"Max"_– had so cavalierly tossed a name on him it was like casting him into the greatest test of all: would he succumb, as they'd been taught all the rogue X5s had succumbed? He'd been chosen as 452's breeding partner not only for his own superior attributes, but his strength of character, his faithful, unwavering performance for his superiors, his ready adaptation to handle unexpected threats and dangers ... he landed on his feet. Clearly, then, Renfro and the others thought he could withstand any effect 452 might have still brought from the outside – or from her own headstrong tendency to survive, to _thrive_, Outside. He too had been Outside and had acquitted him self well. Or so they believed...

...but _he_ didn't know. He wasn't so sure. He'd kept it locked inside, his intrigue and yearning to know what had happened with the "traitors" made all the more intense once he'd suffered the strange, unprecedented pain he felt at seeing the car explode and with it, the beautiful, naive Rachel, who believed his lies and made his chest tighten when she walked into the room ... he kept in the deepest recesses of his thoughts the growing suspicion that the feelings gnawing at him from the Berrisford assignment, and the inexplicable obsession with freedom that seemed to possess the '09 escapees, were merely two sides of the same coin.

But with the name ... _his_ name ... it all began cascading in on him...

...he'd let the traitor escape. No, not "let" her escape, _knew_ about her plan and didn't report it. Knew about it and in the end, facilitated her flight, a full participant ...

...he saw 452 with the Ordinary she loved, whom she could kill with a touch, and saw the look in her eyes for the Ordinary that he'd seen in Rachel's, for him ... saw the pain in the Ordinary and in 452 ... in _Max_ ... that despite being together again, despite their only limitation being the inability to touch – for them, it was everything ... and he began to understand that the pain they demonstrated was that same pain he felt, every time he thought of Rachel...

...he began to understand – down so deep it was a wound of its own, a heat, a burning rage at Manticore and their lies and betrayal ... that their "breeding program" was an abomination, that what he'd been tasked to do with the females at Manticore – the beautiful, magnificent women bred as he had been, and taken by him like sheep at mating season – was the same human act, in its unsullied form in the outside world, that inspired poetry and music, crime and corruption. It was passion and longing and beauty, it was despair and heartbreak. It was the ultimate of human behavior as it was the essence of the human condition, it was what set humans apart from all other life. _Humans_ didn't breed... they made love...

...and with his _name_ ... with the Pandora's Box of knowledge and truth Max had opened to Alec with the granting of his name, his _humanity_ ... Alec was left with the pain of the human condition, the reality that he would never, ever be able to make love to Rachel Berrisford ... and the despair of knowing he would never want to make love to anyone more than he did her...

...it had all started then...

Back then ... when Max called him "Alec..."

"Why do you want out of here so much?" He'd asked her. _What do you see out there? I've seen it but haven't tasted it ... not like you have..._

"You're working for the bad guys," she'd replied. He had denied its truth then; he knew now she'd been right. But it didn't explain her obsession with freedom. Maybe she'd known he'd need to feel it for himself.

"You should have a name too," she'd said. She was inviting him to the Outside, inviting him to join their brothers and sisters in the world ... and whether or not he could have taken the step without the destruction of Manticore leaving him no choice, at least he knew now that pain, and hunger, and loss, was a part of being human...

"... and I can live with that," he whispered ... and with one last look into the cemetery from across the road, he drew a deep breath, turned... and walked away...

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End file.
